she's on the pot

I love marijuana. It makes me so happy. I wish I could keep a little vial of THC in my pocket for whenever I wanted to automatically feel happy. It's amazing to experience another consciousness, another side of yourself that only comes out when you ingest the chemical.

Just now I was outside in the jungle of my back yard, under the night sky, smoking out of an apple. I just sat there on the ground next to the pool, thinking about how everything wasn't lost for me. This past year I've given up hope and stopped trying for the things that I love, and now I don't love anything. I'm afraid to fail and don't even try. I'm pathetic.

But at least I notice now that I am perfection in my imperfection. And I deserve the most amazing future -- just as much as anyone else. I'm going to take this and forge my life. I can't sit back and wait for it, because then I'll be waiting forever.

Feeling 43 and it SUCKS!

I'm so tired. This job, although convenient, is draining the life out of me! I'm a babysitter (really, a nanny) for two girls, and I literally feel like more of a mother than their real mother. Don't get me started on her... she's a mess. I feel sorry for the girls that they don't have a mother-figure in their lives and I'm happy to be there for them but I can't deal any longer. I'm literally living the life of a suburban mom and it sucks! I'm 23 but I feel 43!

I want a real job ASAHP (as soon as humanely possible) but I don't even know what I could get since I only have an Associate's degree in something so oddly specific. I've got to find some job that combines Visual Presentation/Display with health food/restauranting. Maybe I can work at a vegan bakery or something? Suffer the $9/hour for experience and fun. Hmm... something to look into.

Career Options

These are the careers I would love to have:

* High school health teacher
* Health food product developer
* Travel Channel show host (like Samantha Brown, but cooler)
* Buyer for kitschy store (like Anthropologie)

ALSO,

Owner/Operator of:
- Healthy Fast Food Chain
- Healthy Food Truck (NYC)
- Healthy "Themed" Restaurant/Cafe (NYC)
- Boutique: Imported Crafts (Mexico, India...)
- Furniture Store: Imported (Morocco, Thailand, India)


I just finished a semester in a Foods & Nutrition major but I'm not going to stick with it, at least at this school. The program itself is really geared towards being a Clinical Dietician, aka working in a doctor's office or hospital, which is so far from what I want to do. I liked my Nutrition class a lot, but the others (including Anatomy & Physiology and Inorganic Chemistry) were hard for me to get through. Then again, certain units like reproduction were quite enjoyable ;)

Now what I'm really wondering is if I should continue Nutrition at another school or try a specific Health Education major. Would a Health Ed major be too limiting? Or would a Nutrition major be too geared towards a career in dietetics?

or, should I drop everything and go for my ultimate goal of being a business owner? Can I even start a business being as broke and clueless as I am? My biggest worry is that I will waste my time and effort trying to build up a business while some bigger stronger business just eats me up.

Should I be focusing on one career at a time, or can I keep two in mind just in case one doesn't work out? What am I supposed to do??

First post!

I'm starting this blog for myself, as a way to push myself forward to my goals. At this point in my life I'm not happy, and I'm not the person I want to be. Perhaps blogging can help me discover what's holding me back?